Tag: JOURNAL

• Studio Notes: July 2026

  Starting with Completed Projects from the past three months:
  1. Sarah’s Baby Blanket
  2. Taco “Bout a Baby
  3. Mother’s Day Gift
  4. Hailey’s Baby Blanket

  Here is my current list of Ongoing Projects:
  1. Composition Studies
  2. Color Studies
  3. Filet Crochet Series: “Originals”
  4. Writing Project: Art Appreciation (a book about people)
  5. Still Life Series

  Note: I wanted to have most of these projects completed by the end of June. It is now the end of July, and I need to re-evaluate my timeline a bit…

  Not last weekend, but the weekend prior, I tried to pull a “five-day sprint” to get caught up on everything I had fallen behind on. I knew that this was an unrealistic goal. I am not disappointed in myself for “failing” to meet my self-imposed deadlines. As I have worked, each of my current projects has taken on a new life. This is not “no progress made.” Good progress has been made. I have just been learning a lot about myself as I have been working. This is all good. By August, however, I do need to be tying the bow on some things… Here’s how that is going to happen:

  1. I will set and maintain better priorities.
  For the first time ever, really, I am trying to juggle multiple modes of creation all at once. I am doing this in an effort to “launch” various projects in the way most consumers have been conditioned to expect. This is tricky because it requires a really heavy build-up of inventory and lots of long-distance planning. I do think this strategy will work, but I have to learn how to really hold myself to my priorities. If something needs to be done in a week, it needs to be done in a week. I am not at a point where my projects can continually, eternally expand, shift, and change. They need to be finished. Finishing my exploration has to be as much of a priority as planning a future project. This is non-negotiable.

  2. I will work more efficiently and play to my strengths when possible.
  Some might call this brilliant, even groundbreaking! During my “five-day sprint,” I learned have that my current artistic process is (1) wildly inefficient and (2) fails to implement some of the things that I know are personal strengths. I have always been a really adamant planner. Before the start of this summer, I had never really managed to figure out my studio practice qua project planning. Here is how I plan to “remedy” this ongoing issue:

  First and foremost, I am choosing to give myself different titles on different days:
  The majority of days, I need to be “The Artist.” “The Artist” is responsible for execution and completion.
  Some of the time, I need to be “The Thinker.” “The Thinker” is responsible for idea generation and project development. (This is what I am best at, so it is what I must restrain myself from doing the most.)
  Some of the time, I need to be “The Planner.” “The Planner” is responsible for logistics and timelines, announcements, and social media.

  3. I will keep a sketchbook.
  Before this little “five-day sprint,” I had never really understood how to fit a sketchbook into my studio practice. I understand, now, that a sketchbook is the place to work out all of the kinks of a project prior to the project’s creation. Ideally, if I use my sketchbook well, making a project is just as simple as dedicating the appropriate amount of time to see it through to completion (which should be the bulk of my time). This makes sense, and it plays to my strengths.

  I am at work right now, so I am going to leave it at that. I have learned a lot about myself this month. I have to have two pieces finished by Friday, and I think I can meet that deadline. I am feeling the pressure.

  2026.07.28

• Insignificant Updates

  1. I think my pepper plants are going to make it. (Hopefully, this is the last week of the bring-them-inside-bring-them-outside routine.)
  2. This is the 6th day in a row that I have worn my natural waves. I had a really great hair day yesterday.
  3. I have been “working the plan” so to speak…
     • I finished making Baby Blanket #1 yesterday. Now, I just need to…
       • weave in the ends
       • steam
       • block
     • I outlined my first essay, What does the careful study of art have to offer?
     • I have not missed a day of workouts.
  4. I made my own coffee this morning, and I took all of my vitamins.

  I am trying to keep my goals small and compoundable. In the past, I always tried to do too much too quickly. I am proud of myself for letting myself take things slowly. (This is only the second day of week 2. September will come quickly, no doubt. But, time seems to be moving a little slower than normal. I consider that an answer to prayer.)

  2026.05.04

• Re: Starting From Scratch

  TL;DR: Starting over means starting over. You cannot run into freedom while looking to the past (trying to do so will turn you into a Pillar of Salt).

  04/23/2026

  Last Thursday, I met with one of my art-friends at a local coffee shop. The purpose of this meeting was to feel out my current project. It’s hard to say that I was disappointed by the conversation (since I am able to recognize that it might have been unfair of me to have any expectations in the first place). Nonetheless, I think that the conversation was, in a word, disappointing.

  I didn’t expect a pat-on-the-back. I didn’t want a pat-on-the-back. I didn’t get a pat-on-the-back. And, that’s good. “Atta girls” only go so far when you’ve hit a roadblock. But the conversation was difficult… I didn’t really get any unique or new feedback… There wasn’t anything that was said that was particularly interesting or challenging… In many ways, I felt like I was trying to vouch for an unfinished product. And -in many ways- that’s all I was really doing.

  04/24/2026

  The following day, on Friday, I had spent some time in the studio. My objective for the evening was two-fold: I needed to make progress (of any variety) on my project, and I needed to make sense of the lackluster conversation that took place the day prior.

  I figured that I needed to do some composition/material studies… So I created an egg-tempera-acrylic-hybrid paint and painted a series of pink squares on 140 paper. (On a very unrelated note: I actually love the paint formulation that I was working with. I think the fact that I painted on paper eliminated 90% of the issues I was having with just egg tempera on the Corelle, and it made the process monumentally easier. I still have to figure out how to get this to translate to the plates, but that is a battle for next week.) While working on these little composition studies, the following ideas were floating through my head. These are listed in no particular order:
  1. Why was that conversation so difficult?
  2. What is the dollar amount that my plates are worth? (If $40.00, then why do I care so much about the quality of the idea they are carrying. If the idea is worth more than $40.00, then what is the idea worth? Is that a weird way to think of ideas?)
  3. These plates aren’t as good as I want them to be. Is that because of my skill set (maybe, but unlikely)? Or is that because I am trying to do one thing, and say another?
  4. Why is my previous experience failing me in this moment?
  5. What am I trying to do, or accomplish? I am taking steps toward that? Or are my goals misaligned with my actions?

  Needless to say, my time in the studio was incredibly frustrating.

  So, I took a moment and asked myself the following question: If I wasn’t me, if I was someone else, what advice would I give myself? What honest advice did I want from my friend that I did not get?

  Then… I had a beer, and I went to bed.
  

  04.25.2026

  “What advice would I give myself?”

  That question really stuck in my mind and ruined my morning. I was supposed to go to a bookstore opening with a friend (in part to support the local business, and in part to encourage my friend to be more vocal about the book she has written). I cancelled. Instead, I stayed home and crocheted.

  “What advice did I want? What is the thing I need to hear, but that I didn’t hear? Why was that conversation so disappointing? Why do I always have to vouch for my ideas?”

  “Why do I always have to vouch for my ideas?”

  There it is.

  That’s the root of the problem.

  I realized, as I was sitting at home, trying my best to chip away at 1 of 2 baby blankets I am making for my friends, that my problem isn’t my ideas… It’s the quality of their execution.

  See, I haven’t ever commercially engaged with the arts. In the past, I haven’t been able to. I have always run into the same obstacle: I feel like to “get” what I am trying to do, you have to know me. My work cannot speak for itself.

  The fact that strangers cannot engage with my work in a deep and meaningful way, at least without me present, speaks directly to the quality of work that I produce. My work “needing” my voice is not a good thing. It is the very thing that is holding me back. My work sucks!

  So, no wonder this conversation I had on Thursday was awful… I was trying to reason around problems that aren’t the actual issue. I was doing the very typical and expected thing that I always do: overintellectualizing. The truth is so much simpler than that. The truth is that I have a very good idea, a very valuable idea. I just need to make work that convinces others of its quality without needing additional context or conversation. It needs to be self-contained and self-evidently important. If not, why would any reasonable person care about it?

  I walked down to my studio and looked at the terrible plates that I have been working on. They are on their third iteration. Every time I have restarted this project, I have tried to redo the same thing… with better materials. Every time the project has felt like an increasing failure…

  I like this concept. I think this body of work (if I am ever able to see it through) will contribute good things to the world. I am hopeful of that.

  It will never do that as it exists.

  I have to start over.

  Damn.

  04.30.2026

  I am trying to find freedom in the very little I have. This past week, I have really deconstructed my studio practice. I’ve taken all of my artwork off of my website. I have deleted all of my Instagram posts. My primary fear, now, is replicating the past. If I am going to start over, I need to truly start over. I cannot look back.

  On Tangent: I’ve never been able to wear my hair curly. In all of this, I have decided that I need to learn how to wear my curls. I want to be the kind of person who takes morning showers. I have never been that kind of person. If I can figure out how to wear my hair curly, I might be able to become someone who takes morning showers.

  Here’s to washing dishes and morning showers. Cheers!

  2026.04.30

• March 5, 2026

  I wish I had something witty to say, but I don’t.

  It’s time to work.

  2026.03.05