I know it sounds crazy…
But I think I have died…
For thrice I recall standing,
surrounding my own grave.
3 times I have slept,
6 feet deep,
in Earth’s homely cave.
And, I’ve looked at my own flesh.
Oh, those white-knuckled hands…
As perfect sleep stayed permanently encircled
by salty,
eternal sands.
And, I’ve wondered what it meant.
The hands I have are
too familiar.
This is no reincarnation.
So what then should be made of this…
spiritual…
decantation?
With eyes turning inward,
I can see all of my worst.
The floodgates swing open.
The storm cloud gives birth!
And, I expose myself to the tempest within.
I flail, and I struggle;
only to drown in
self-loathing
sin.
And, the sea mockingly laughs –
tortures the land with her shrill,
eternal song.
And, my heart of great sympathy cannot help but
to hold
a similar note
for a little
too
long…
So my soul rolls;
and, so my soul sighs.
Churning up the dirt and confusion,
Despair muddies the mind…
This life is not sweet.
It’s unfamiliar;
it’s unkind.
And, it’s too much to bear…
It’s too much to know…
I don’t want to be here…
To be thrust upon the sword,
it’s ’bout time that I go!
Thalatta! Oh, Thalatta!
Kill me quickly!
Take me to pasture!
Make it pain-free!
I blink,
and
I’m gone.
My soul’s left my body;
my body’s laid to rest.
I remain hovering above, suspended
in that sweet moment of infinite
death.
From here,
I see my life as a sum of broken pieces:
my dad’s eyes, my mother’s ego, and my brother’s
argumentative heart.
And, I finally know what’s true:
I am worth a new start.
I am worth life?
I am worth everything human:
the victory and the strife?
I’m worth beauty?
I’m worth love?
I’m worthy of song?
I am worthy!
Simple as that!
Have been! All along!
No one can take that from me!
(No matter how hard they might try.)
I can still feel the
embrace of the sun,
as thunder echoes
‘cross the sky.
See, suffering is inevitable.
Yet, joy strikes closer still.
And we need not fear death;
we must only fear
the loss of that which
cannot
be killed.
It’s with courage we embrace our breath!
By courage,
we cherish the warmth
while there’s warmth to be had.
We courageously love the hardest parts of life.
Love them equally:
Love the good!
Love, even,
especially,
patiently…
We must learn to love the bad…
Oh, that sweet salt will forever sting.
That winter wind will forever rub raw.
And that cry of the wine-deep sea
has been
and will be
darling death’s
wakening
final
call!
But, we hold true,
if we hold fast,
that wintery storm will be forced past.
And, we will not die in an icy abyss.
We will be laid down, on soft land, with aches in our wrists.
And, you’ll know we have won
when you stare down
your
own
lifeless
corpse.
See your salt-burned skin!
Wind-blown hair made coarse!
And breath.
Smile.
Dare to return a joyful, playfully mocking laugh.
For this life has just begun –
and too soon –
shall it pass.
EARTH-GIRL 